Since I had to wait a long time to become a mom, I had the opportunity to take many mental notes over the years about the type of parent I did and did not want to become. Now that I am the mom of a very active almost-three year old, I am positive I was a much better parent with the imaginary child in my head than I am in reality. Since we are about to add a second child to the mix, I jumped at the chance to join a parenting group/book club this summer. The book of focus is How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk. In a nutshell, the book and the discussions have me rethinking not only the way I talk to my daughter, but how I interact with my students and pretty much everyone around me.
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For many, many years I was in a position where I couldn't get pregnant. During those years, all of my friends had one, two, even three children. I went to everybody’s baby showers. I even threw some baby showers. I am not going to pretend I was always thrilled to be focused on other people’s babies when I so desperately wanted my own, but I was genuinely happy for everybody. Their celebrations were my celebrations and to begrudge them any of that would be ridiculously selfish and narcissistic. I would have never wanted anyone to not invite me to a baby shower because of my fertility issues. Certainly, it would have bothered me if people felt they couldn't discuss the ups and downs of pregnancy, delivery, and parenthood in front of me simply because I had not been able to experience any of it. They were my friends, this was their experience and I wanted to be a part of it all. And yet…
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