So, when I weighed the pros and cons of finding out the results of my pregnancy test today or tomorrow, I knew I had to test today. Sure, if I waited, I was assured one more day of hope was a possibility, but the only hope available was really false hope. Waiting would also mean an unnecessary additional day of fertility medication, which I want out of my system as quickly as possible. I figured the first thing I would do when hearing the negative results would be to see the positive in my life by lifting my daughter and dancing around the room with her, since I have not been permitted to lift more than 10 pounds and she far exceeds that. A negative result would hurt if she were in my arms.
Expediting the pregnancy test meant that I had to first find out if Quest opened at 7:00 or 7:30. 7:00, being taken first meant I could risk it and see, but 7:30 was cutting it too close. On my way to work, I stopped off at Quest and sure enough, it opened at 7:00. I arrived at 6:30. I turned off my car, nervously listened to the same song over and over on my i-Pod, and prayed no one else
arrived.
A senior citizen pulled up next to me in the handicapped parking. Darn, I thought. He probably has an appointment. I tried to get an appointment, but I couldn’t get one! I just kept hoping no one else would pull into the parking lot so that I could get the test over with.
Although it was a spring day, it was so windy and cold it felt like late November, but as soon as I saw the light go on in the office, I exited my car and stood in front of the door waiting like one of those poor dogs left outside far longer than they want to be left outside. After a few minutes of the wind whipping my hair around and shivering, I heard the other car door open and
out walked the older gentleman.
I commented on the crazy weather and his retort was, “Well, I saw you braving the cold so I thought, I needed to try to do the same! Back in the old days, they would at least let you wait inside the waiting room before their specific opening time.”
“That would have been nice on a day like today,” I responded.
The phlebotomist who drew my blood was super sweet and I thought it was a good sign that she performed the test. She remembered me from my previous IVF attempts and frequent visits to her lab and wished me luck. She told me that the results should be known by 12:00 and that I should call my doctor to find out.
By 7:15, I was in my car on my way to work and made it to my parking lot by 7:30. Then I had a very important question to ask myself. Did I want to take the pregnancy test that I had (HPT) or wait it out until the end of the school day for the blood results? I went back and forth. I wanted to find out on my own, I didn’t want someone calling me without me already knowing, so I
decided to take it, but not until 5th period. That way, I only had 3 periods left of the day to deal with the pain of knowing with certainty that this attempt had failed.
I sneaked into the bathroom during lunch and took the test. After watching the digital clock blink while trying to prevent my nerves from fraying beyond belief, the result was: A giant question mark.
I have taken a million home pregnancy tests and that had never happened to me before. Since I had memorized the directions to all of these tests, I knew the question mark meant that there was a testing error, but honestly, I didn’t know what I had done incorrectly. I thought; ha, how fitting, since a question mark had metaphorically been following me around all day and for the waiting period since the FET. The joke is on me! In a way I was relieved because the non-result left me without total sorrow for the next few periods of the day.
I was out of my room most of the day with my students, thankfully. But when I got in, I checked my e-mail obsessively until an e-mail from the wonderful patient coordinator from my fertility clinic contacted me. She wanted to know if I had tested in the morning or if I was waiting until the afternoon.
Wait, she didn't know yet? That can’t be a good sign. I know the test said STAT on the results, the phlebotomist showed me everything all filled out with the STAT stickers on the blood vials and everything. This had to mean that the results were negative, which of course, I knew in my heart, but it did not stop me from wanting a different result.
So the patient coordinator e-mailed me back once I told her I went in the morning to let me know she called Quest and the results were still pending. Hmmm, like a giant question mark? Although my gut tells me I am not pregnant, I guess the universe is (like me) not ready to admit defeat.
Expediting the pregnancy test meant that I had to first find out if Quest opened at 7:00 or 7:30. 7:00, being taken first meant I could risk it and see, but 7:30 was cutting it too close. On my way to work, I stopped off at Quest and sure enough, it opened at 7:00. I arrived at 6:30. I turned off my car, nervously listened to the same song over and over on my i-Pod, and prayed no one else
arrived.
A senior citizen pulled up next to me in the handicapped parking. Darn, I thought. He probably has an appointment. I tried to get an appointment, but I couldn’t get one! I just kept hoping no one else would pull into the parking lot so that I could get the test over with.
Although it was a spring day, it was so windy and cold it felt like late November, but as soon as I saw the light go on in the office, I exited my car and stood in front of the door waiting like one of those poor dogs left outside far longer than they want to be left outside. After a few minutes of the wind whipping my hair around and shivering, I heard the other car door open and
out walked the older gentleman.
I commented on the crazy weather and his retort was, “Well, I saw you braving the cold so I thought, I needed to try to do the same! Back in the old days, they would at least let you wait inside the waiting room before their specific opening time.”
“That would have been nice on a day like today,” I responded.
The phlebotomist who drew my blood was super sweet and I thought it was a good sign that she performed the test. She remembered me from my previous IVF attempts and frequent visits to her lab and wished me luck. She told me that the results should be known by 12:00 and that I should call my doctor to find out.
By 7:15, I was in my car on my way to work and made it to my parking lot by 7:30. Then I had a very important question to ask myself. Did I want to take the pregnancy test that I had (HPT) or wait it out until the end of the school day for the blood results? I went back and forth. I wanted to find out on my own, I didn’t want someone calling me without me already knowing, so I
decided to take it, but not until 5th period. That way, I only had 3 periods left of the day to deal with the pain of knowing with certainty that this attempt had failed.
I sneaked into the bathroom during lunch and took the test. After watching the digital clock blink while trying to prevent my nerves from fraying beyond belief, the result was: A giant question mark.
I have taken a million home pregnancy tests and that had never happened to me before. Since I had memorized the directions to all of these tests, I knew the question mark meant that there was a testing error, but honestly, I didn’t know what I had done incorrectly. I thought; ha, how fitting, since a question mark had metaphorically been following me around all day and for the waiting period since the FET. The joke is on me! In a way I was relieved because the non-result left me without total sorrow for the next few periods of the day.
I was out of my room most of the day with my students, thankfully. But when I got in, I checked my e-mail obsessively until an e-mail from the wonderful patient coordinator from my fertility clinic contacted me. She wanted to know if I had tested in the morning or if I was waiting until the afternoon.
Wait, she didn't know yet? That can’t be a good sign. I know the test said STAT on the results, the phlebotomist showed me everything all filled out with the STAT stickers on the blood vials and everything. This had to mean that the results were negative, which of course, I knew in my heart, but it did not stop me from wanting a different result.
So the patient coordinator e-mailed me back once I told her I went in the morning to let me know she called Quest and the results were still pending. Hmmm, like a giant question mark? Although my gut tells me I am not pregnant, I guess the universe is (like me) not ready to admit defeat.