Thank goodness for Facebook. I really mean that, thank you Mark Zuckerberg. It is true that I wanted to become a mother more than I wanted anything in my life, but what I was unprepared for was the isolation that comes with the territory. Perhaps this does not apply to the emotions of all new moms, but it did to me.
For the first eight weeks or so of mommyhood, I was not permitted to drive because of complications from my daughter's delivery. Leaving the house at the beginning of her life was out of the question. Instead, sleep deprived and in over my head, I constantly questioned everything I was doing.
Why wasn’t she sleeping for more than 15 minutes at a clip? How inept was I that breastfeeding was so darn difficult and painful? Was I meeting her needs? When I changed her diaper and she cried, was it because I was doing something wrong or because she felt cold? Was I holding her right or was I causing irreparable damage somehow?
There are no baby smiles at the beginning to reassure a new mom, and boy could I have used a few of those.
So, day after day, week after week, the only time I left my home was to go to a doctor’s appointment for myself or for Mila. When I was finally given the all clear to drive, I was terrified of something new. What if we got into a car accident? She was so little, how could she possibly survive? What germs were lurking out there in the big, bad world that she was not yet strong enough to fight off? And of course, I completely support women who breastfeed in public, but I am way too shy to join the ranks of them. Besides, all I could picture was one of my poor students walking by catching a glimpse of her teacher on display. In short, I rarely left the house and I still rarely leave the house with my child.
The point is when you spend the majority of time without friends and family around you and it is compounded with tons of self-doubt; you just want to know you are not alone. You hope for some reassurance from someone somewhere that you are not as bad at this as you think. You crave adult interaction and real conversation. Well, at least I did.
I rarely used Facebook before giving birth to my daughter and when I return to work, my use will certainly decrease for many reasons. However, while spending so much time alone with my baby in my home, in many ways Facebook was a lifeline for me. So for all of you who have taken the time to comment on my posts or my pictures, and for those of you who have sent me little notes, it has meant more to me than I can ever express.
You have reminded me, that I am indeed, not alone.
For the first eight weeks or so of mommyhood, I was not permitted to drive because of complications from my daughter's delivery. Leaving the house at the beginning of her life was out of the question. Instead, sleep deprived and in over my head, I constantly questioned everything I was doing.
Why wasn’t she sleeping for more than 15 minutes at a clip? How inept was I that breastfeeding was so darn difficult and painful? Was I meeting her needs? When I changed her diaper and she cried, was it because I was doing something wrong or because she felt cold? Was I holding her right or was I causing irreparable damage somehow?
There are no baby smiles at the beginning to reassure a new mom, and boy could I have used a few of those.
So, day after day, week after week, the only time I left my home was to go to a doctor’s appointment for myself or for Mila. When I was finally given the all clear to drive, I was terrified of something new. What if we got into a car accident? She was so little, how could she possibly survive? What germs were lurking out there in the big, bad world that she was not yet strong enough to fight off? And of course, I completely support women who breastfeed in public, but I am way too shy to join the ranks of them. Besides, all I could picture was one of my poor students walking by catching a glimpse of her teacher on display. In short, I rarely left the house and I still rarely leave the house with my child.
The point is when you spend the majority of time without friends and family around you and it is compounded with tons of self-doubt; you just want to know you are not alone. You hope for some reassurance from someone somewhere that you are not as bad at this as you think. You crave adult interaction and real conversation. Well, at least I did.
I rarely used Facebook before giving birth to my daughter and when I return to work, my use will certainly decrease for many reasons. However, while spending so much time alone with my baby in my home, in many ways Facebook was a lifeline for me. So for all of you who have taken the time to comment on my posts or my pictures, and for those of you who have sent me little notes, it has meant more to me than I can ever express.
You have reminded me, that I am indeed, not alone.