I am so relieved that my life is not on public display for a reality show. Sure, the hair and makeup would be welcomed, (when is the last time I took a proper shower anyway?), but beyond that, thank goodness there is no camera monitoring my every parenting move. Why you might wonder? Well, every moment is not one that Hallmark would be proud to post on a commercial. Would somebody questioning every parenting move make for good television?
I don’t know if it is just me, but I feel as though I spend most of my days and nights researching, plotting, and planning ways to outsmart my three year old. There is something that seems very wrong about this fact, but it does not negate it from the truth to my current existence.
Take a recent play date. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in sharing. In addition, I have read how imperative it is to teach your children to share. However, on the opposite end of the parenting spectrum, I have also read how influencing your children to share can destroy her sense of independence. A middle of the road article on the sharing topic provided actual parenting strategies. The parenting experts of this article encouraged parents to ask their children if there were any toys that were too special to share. If the child identifies any toys in this category, the parent’s role is to explain that it is unkind to play with something that she is unwilling to share, so the object(s) must remain locked up and out of sight when the friend is over. Doing this, the teddy bear would not accidentally get torn, a puzzle piece would not be lost, nor would anything deemed “special” be damaged during active play. This supposedly teaches children about compromise and how to still be a generous host. Or…does it teach them to be manipulative? See, I am confused, but I went with the strategy because at least it was a strategy.
Yesterday, my daughter and I had the suggested conversation before her play date and she pulled (in my humble opinion) way too many toys to remain behind. Again, on the topic of reality television, those cameras would capture a big brat with proper editing... So, am I encouraging selfishness instead of coping strategies? Probably, but I remained faithful to the idea. Fast-forward to the actual play date, and my daughter almost immediately announces that she wants some of the items previously categorized as too special to make their appearance at the play date. She had changed her mind and wanted to share them now. That is good, right? Or is it bad?
I have been also implementing the Magic 1-2-3 and the philosophy from How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen…(opposite mindsets in some ways by the way). So, during the play date, I had to let my child know she was being heard, but I also needed to make sure that I was heard. When she started to tantrum (again, thank goodness for not being the feature of a reality show), I used the Magic 1-2-3, and quickly, she turned her attitude around. All in all, for a three year old, I considered the play date a success. Oh my goodness, why am I rating a play date?
In a nutshell, that is my experience with parenting. It was one play date on one day for a couple of hours, and yet, I spent hours agonizing over how to best prepare my child for her guest. Truthfully, I spend every day figuring out how to intervene appropriately when she is misbehaving. Why? I believe putting all of this time and energy in at this age will help her turn into her best self. Now I am trying to remember why I believe that so strongly. Wait, did I read that somewhere too? Isn't it the social development of the first five years that dictates a child’s personality and impact on society in the future?
No pressure or anything.
I don’t know if it is just me, but I feel as though I spend most of my days and nights researching, plotting, and planning ways to outsmart my three year old. There is something that seems very wrong about this fact, but it does not negate it from the truth to my current existence.
Take a recent play date. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in sharing. In addition, I have read how imperative it is to teach your children to share. However, on the opposite end of the parenting spectrum, I have also read how influencing your children to share can destroy her sense of independence. A middle of the road article on the sharing topic provided actual parenting strategies. The parenting experts of this article encouraged parents to ask their children if there were any toys that were too special to share. If the child identifies any toys in this category, the parent’s role is to explain that it is unkind to play with something that she is unwilling to share, so the object(s) must remain locked up and out of sight when the friend is over. Doing this, the teddy bear would not accidentally get torn, a puzzle piece would not be lost, nor would anything deemed “special” be damaged during active play. This supposedly teaches children about compromise and how to still be a generous host. Or…does it teach them to be manipulative? See, I am confused, but I went with the strategy because at least it was a strategy.
Yesterday, my daughter and I had the suggested conversation before her play date and she pulled (in my humble opinion) way too many toys to remain behind. Again, on the topic of reality television, those cameras would capture a big brat with proper editing... So, am I encouraging selfishness instead of coping strategies? Probably, but I remained faithful to the idea. Fast-forward to the actual play date, and my daughter almost immediately announces that she wants some of the items previously categorized as too special to make their appearance at the play date. She had changed her mind and wanted to share them now. That is good, right? Or is it bad?
I have been also implementing the Magic 1-2-3 and the philosophy from How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen…(opposite mindsets in some ways by the way). So, during the play date, I had to let my child know she was being heard, but I also needed to make sure that I was heard. When she started to tantrum (again, thank goodness for not being the feature of a reality show), I used the Magic 1-2-3, and quickly, she turned her attitude around. All in all, for a three year old, I considered the play date a success. Oh my goodness, why am I rating a play date?
In a nutshell, that is my experience with parenting. It was one play date on one day for a couple of hours, and yet, I spent hours agonizing over how to best prepare my child for her guest. Truthfully, I spend every day figuring out how to intervene appropriately when she is misbehaving. Why? I believe putting all of this time and energy in at this age will help her turn into her best self. Now I am trying to remember why I believe that so strongly. Wait, did I read that somewhere too? Isn't it the social development of the first five years that dictates a child’s personality and impact on society in the future?
No pressure or anything.