When I was pregnant with my daughter, there was no doubt in my mind that I would attempt to breastfeed her. Just like so many other new moms out there, I had received the information that it was deemed the best form of nutrition for a newborn. What I had promised myself was that if I was unable to do it or if it was too difficult, then I would not put any additional pressure on myself and I would switch to formula immediately.
This was the first lie I told myself.
Was it guilt? I am not sure, but something propelled me to keep trying, even when everyone around me told me to give it up.
For reasons and details which no one would want to read about, breastfeeding was and continues to be very painful for me. My doctors have explained to me that some women just have difficulties, but there is nothing more that I could be doing to prevent mine. The lactation consultant repeated my doctor’s words. Well-meaning friends have given me advice, but nothing has worked to improve the situation. Still, I have continued to breastfeed my daughter.
I had read that the most nutritional benefits to children come from the first three months of breastfeeding, which was my initial goal. My determination was that I needed to breastfeed my daughter for three months.
This was the second lie I told myself.
Terrified of getting bitten, I thought I would stop when she developed teeth.
Two teeth firmly in place, this was the third lie I told myself.
My daughter is now over nine months old and I am still breastfeeding her.
The latest issue is that she seems to find it hilarious to bite me. FYI, my fear of getting bitten was justified. But wouldn’t you know it, I have to control myself and try not laugh at her reaction to me wincing in pain. I firmly tell her no biting, and then put the milk supply away explaining that because of her behavior the dairy is now closed.
So why do I continue to breastfeed? I am not sure. Our pediatrician urged me to keep it up until she at least turns one, so maybe that is my driving reason. Of course, I have other friends who have told me that if I breastfed my child past 6 months, I would clearly just be doing it for selfish reasons. Others insist that I should let my daughter decide when enough is enough. My point is that breastfeeding is one of many topics that make all of us moms feel like less of a mom. If we don’t breastfeed, we are judged. If we don’t exclusively breastfeed, we are judged. If we breastfeed too long, we are judged. I think that it is time for us to support each other as friends and mothers and stop the judging.
And when will I stop? Each time she bites me, I think it will be immediately, but I am hoping to make it to that year mark. The biting is really starting to hurt.
So is that year goal just another lie I am telling myself? Ask me tomorrow.