Here I go again. So my husband and I thought that we were done with fertility treatments. However, we really want our daughter to have a sibling. I feel greedy about it, foolish even, but yet, here we go again.
I had planned to wait a few years before attempting to use the frozen embryos but a funny thing happened at my last physical. If you read my last post, you know that my doctor asked me if we were going to try to have another baby. I confessed that we had two frozen embryos left, but aside from using them, we were done with the fertility treatments. Knowing me as she does she commented, “You need to use them now. You are not getting any younger.” She alerted me to the fact that she was super serious. If my husband and I were going to use the embryos, now was the time to do it.
I went home and explained her viewpoint to my husband. He disagreed with her, but he was probably just being nice. She had no reason to tell me I had to do it now unless my health was really a concern for her, so I drafted an e-mail to my fertility clinic the next day. I told the patient coordinator about my doctor’s advice and asked her what we needed to do to get started.
Am I ready? No, absolutely not. I haven’t even made it through my first year of teaching a new subject in a new grade in a new school. I wanted to teach for a couple of years before even considering ever trying again. I hoped (if miracles of miracles the procedure works again) to have a few years of age between my children. Having children close in age grips me with fear that it would be impossible to give more than one child adequate care and that I somehow wouldn’t do a good job. Sure, lots of people do it and do it well, but was I capable? Financially, I wanted to be able to save some money in order to be able to afford to have two kids in daycare during the school year. But as I have seen in my life too many times, plans are often superfluous.
Regardless of all of my fears of IVF working on this 7th attempt, failure of it terrifies me even more.
I know it is a lot to want another child. My husband and I are beyond blessed to have a beautiful and healthy child after
struggling for so long. It is insane to win the lottery once and ask the fates and the universe or whatever powers are out there to allow us such good fortune twice. These embryos are our last chance and the stakes have never been higher.
Part of me thinks failure will not hurt as deeply because I do still get to be a mother. Part of me thinks failure will
hurt more because now that I know what it is like. I want the job again…
I had planned to wait a few years before attempting to use the frozen embryos but a funny thing happened at my last physical. If you read my last post, you know that my doctor asked me if we were going to try to have another baby. I confessed that we had two frozen embryos left, but aside from using them, we were done with the fertility treatments. Knowing me as she does she commented, “You need to use them now. You are not getting any younger.” She alerted me to the fact that she was super serious. If my husband and I were going to use the embryos, now was the time to do it.
I went home and explained her viewpoint to my husband. He disagreed with her, but he was probably just being nice. She had no reason to tell me I had to do it now unless my health was really a concern for her, so I drafted an e-mail to my fertility clinic the next day. I told the patient coordinator about my doctor’s advice and asked her what we needed to do to get started.
Am I ready? No, absolutely not. I haven’t even made it through my first year of teaching a new subject in a new grade in a new school. I wanted to teach for a couple of years before even considering ever trying again. I hoped (if miracles of miracles the procedure works again) to have a few years of age between my children. Having children close in age grips me with fear that it would be impossible to give more than one child adequate care and that I somehow wouldn’t do a good job. Sure, lots of people do it and do it well, but was I capable? Financially, I wanted to be able to save some money in order to be able to afford to have two kids in daycare during the school year. But as I have seen in my life too many times, plans are often superfluous.
Regardless of all of my fears of IVF working on this 7th attempt, failure of it terrifies me even more.
I know it is a lot to want another child. My husband and I are beyond blessed to have a beautiful and healthy child after
struggling for so long. It is insane to win the lottery once and ask the fates and the universe or whatever powers are out there to allow us such good fortune twice. These embryos are our last chance and the stakes have never been higher.
Part of me thinks failure will not hurt as deeply because I do still get to be a mother. Part of me thinks failure will
hurt more because now that I know what it is like. I want the job again…