I had success with IVF once. Although my husband and I had experienced 8 attempts using in vitro fertilization, only one resulted in a baby, our baby. We had two frozen embryos left, which meant it was our last round. There was no way I was starting from scratch at my age and with all the cycles that my body had endured. Without question, this was absolutely the last hurrah. We were thrilled to be parents and truthfully, never thought we would be blessed twice. Regardless, I wanted my daughter to experience the joy of being a sibling, so we went for baby number two one last time.
Call it superstitious, perhaps crazy is a better descriptor, but I decided to try to recreate all of the circumstances that brought me success once before. We had already tried two IVF cycles post that success, so, although I was assured by people who had never once gone through IVF that my body would just know what to do, my body shamefully missed the signals on how to get pregnant.
Before I became pregnant with my first child, I was using a food delivery system of organic food because I was working full time while pursuing my middle school math certification. I didn't have time to cook, but I wanted to eat healthy. I signed back up for the system. With my successful IVF cycle, I had used acupuncture, and although I had used acupuncture previously and not had success, I figured it couldn't hurt. Acupuncture was back in my life. Usually, my husband and I kept our lips completely sealed about our IVF attempts. However, I had told my sister when I completed the cycle with resulting in my first child, so I followed the same protocol. I also confessed to my best friend this time because, I just needed to tell her.
Still, I never thought another baby was in our future. This cycle was being completed using frozen embryos. If the fresh cycle had not worked, there was no way in my mind that this would. But...I had to try everything I thought might make a difference, so I did.
After all was said and done and I had completed the embryo transfer for the ninth time, to say I felt negative is an understatement. I was so convinced that the cycle didn't work, I refused to waste my time and energy on a home pregnancy test. I felt nothing, absolutely no pregnancy signs and no sixth sense that impending good news might be around the corner.
My husband, my daughter, and I went to CT Fertility for the blood draw about 10 days post transfer for the pregnancy test. CT Fertility staff is so caring that one of the technicians came in just to take my blood that morning. Let me be clear, she did not have to work that day or stay as late as she did for me to obtain the results, but did so just to help me. I have mentioned before how much I adore this medical practice and I cannot bestow enough accolades to match my gratitude.
When I entered the blood draw area, she asked what the home pregnancy test results were and I told her I had not taken one. She could not believe it, but I was certain it was negative and I just couldn't bear to see another NOT PREGNANT result in my lifetime. My negativity was chastised and she advised me to think good thoughts. We hugged each other and I thanked her for her continued kindness.
Our little family took the long drive home and a quick detour to get the car washed. There was a lot of awkward silence in the car as my husband and I were both resigned to the fact that this last attempt had failed. The date was February 1st and it had just snowed. Since many cars had just been dirtied by snow, sand, and salt, the line for the car wash was extremely long. We made futile attempts to entertain our two year old during the very long wait and I was getting increasingly grumpy. Perhaps an hour had passed with our car still sitting in the car wash line when my husband's cell phone rang. He answered it and our beloved patient coordinator was on the other end of the phone. She asked to speak with me. Here was our conversation:
"Hi Merryl, how are you?"
"Hi, I am ok... no, huh?"
With a sly sweet delivery she replied, "The test was positive Merryl, you are pregnant."
"What? No. What? Oh my God. Are you sure that was my blood that you tested?" I couldn't help but question this important detail.
"Laughter...Yes, the results were definitely from your blood and the HCG levels are good. We will test you again in a few days to make sure the HCG numbers increase nicely, but everything looks great!"
I repeated the shocking results to my husband and he was also in ecstatic disbelief.
What do you do when you receive amazing news while trapped in a car? We high fived each other and tried to hug and kiss each other in celebration. I had forgotten to take off my seat belt, it was awesome!
My older daughter watched and overheard us get excited and asked us who was on the phone.
Not wanting to tell her anything because she would likely blurt out the news too early, instead I offered, "Our great friend just gave us wonderful news, so Daddy and I are very happy today." She didn't ask us additional questions as this was enough information for a two year old.
Would it last? Would I miscarry? Obviously, once an infertile girl, those thoughts will always follow you around, but truthfully, I was just so stunned that this cycle had worked, it was hours before I started to worry about the outcome. ;-)
And just for the record, every time I drive by that car wash, I smile. Oh, and when I bring my car to be cleaned there, the wait never bothers me at all.
I felt like I was in the moment with you! Thank you for sharing more of your story Merryl it's so special and beautiful. And also a good reminder to never give up hope!
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Life's wonderful moments!
Author
Merryl Polak is the author of Murphy Lives Here, a story about her struggle with the pursuit of motherhood. After struggling with infertility for almost 9 years, she finds that parenting struggles have followed her infertility struggles perfectly!